First, I wouldn't have actually had the candle except for a new friend (a post-Mormon) brought it to me as a hostess gift when we had her family over for dinner. It was a whimsical gift. Without much significance between us except that (actually, I forgot the story she told me when she gave it to me - something about a giant Virgin candle). I like it. Jim hates it. Because it reminds him of his mission. Which is not a good thing in his mind. Anyway, because of his distaste, I keep it out of sight.
But today, Jim took the kids on an outing so I could get some work done, and I was all alone in the house. It was nice, but I was feeling stressed and panicky over the mere quantity of homework I have due very shortly. And there was a moment where I was crying because I no longer have the same old comfort in the form of a Dear-Heavenly-Father-help-me-do-this prayer for moments like that. I just can't do that sort of prayer anymore. So I thought maybe I should meditate, and take Jana's candle suggestion. I tidied up the room so I could feel calm and order in it. I got out The Virgin Mary candle, lit its new wick, and dimmed the lights. I sat probably for only 5 or 10 minutes thinking of the flame and the things I was happy about and the things I was hoping for. And it was just enough to get me calm, and ready to tackle the obstacles ahead. Then I put The Virgin away.
Thank you to Jim for taking the kids. Thank you to you readers for your comments, which are both useful and comforting. And thank you to Virgin Mary's light for guiding me from panic to calm.
5 comments:
Aimee sent me a Mary candle last October, out of the blue. I did the same thing one night when Mike was out late. Just sat in the dark, candle lit, looking for peace.
LOVE candles.
and also, I understand that gap that is left when prayer/etc no longer works.
here's me:
the other day, it was taking the time to open a book of Emily Dickinson poems, and reading a few. Wow, it just really lightened my heart, in a similar way to how prayer/scripture/etc used to.
Sometimes it's going for a walk.
Sometimes it's writing in my journal or doing a little sketch in my sketchbook.
what I need to get better at is the whole sitting in silence thing. I think that would be really good, but my mind bounces all over the place.
hugs and kisses to you.
I have a virgin Mary candle, too. :) I also love lighting candles in churches, no matter the denomination. :)
i love alternatives to feeling peace through prayer. i don't pray much anymore, though i talk randomly and maybe god listens. but i do turn to things like dickinson (hi G!) and music and just being in my world to find a spot of peace.
i'll have to try the candle flame someday; it sounds lovely. maybe i need my very own virgin...
Ditto to all of the above, especially Amelia. Thanks for this post. I'm looking forward to more!!
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